My Medical Typo Hell!

This article 1st appeared in the Daily Scrump on 11th April.

MY MEDICAL TYPO HELL.

The Department of Health was quick to defend the reputation of its new standardised medical software, “PIGS-EAR,” despite increasing reports of disturbing errors in patient diagnostic coding.  Continue reading

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What goes around……..

In view of the last Labour government’s abysmal treatment of GP’s, it has been deeply gratifying to see the Labour party receiving a good pummelling from both sides of the border.

Gertcha!

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Gizoogle is da shiznit!

A running gag in the Urban-Smith books is the proliferation of themed restaurants. In the course of the 1st 2 books, our protagonists have dined at surrealist Japanese restaurant, The Melting Lotus, Elizabethan theatre theme restaurant, Soliloquies, and Glaswegian cordon bleu restaurant, Big Jessie’s.

This week dr Harker takes girlfriend, Nell for an evening of fine dining at rap themed restaurant, Fo’ Sizzles, owned by London based rapper and entrepreneur, Busta Nutner. For this scene I had to do a little research, and in doing so came across a fantastic site, gizoogle.net.

This website will translate any text or website from English into gangsta. See what happened when I had it translate Shakespeare’s classic, “To Be or not to be,” speech from Hamlet. Continue reading

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Put a sock in it – natural selection and the gobshites.

Graph 1aIt does not require a degree in anthropology to know that people are becoming louder (see graph). You can be in aisle 4 of Tesco’s perusing prophylactics, yet still be able to hear every howl of the crone in aisle 23 shrieking at her offspring over the biscuits.

“Stop it, don’t touch that! Put it down!” etc.

Only last week Mrs Harker and I were out walking our dog at the park and couldn’t hear ourselves speak over the wailing of the young woman 50 feet away having a conversation at top volume with her friend.

What is the explanation? Are these people auditioning for a role as a town cryer? Has all the inbreeding left them hearing impaired? Is their conversation so illuminating that they simply have to share it with everybody in a 3 mile radius?

Our panel of expert has been investigating this phenomenon and has constructed a hypothesis which we shall call;

THE BIG GOB THEORY.

Continue reading

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Ich Liebe dich – Liebster Award

NB Ich Liebe dich is German for, cor, love a duck……probably.

Muchas gracias to New Pollyanna for nominating little old moi for this award. You can find her blog HERE.

To those of you not in the know, this is the dizzle. The Liebster award is a pat on the back for those of us yet to build a sizeable audience for our blogs. It is rather charming and one of the reasons why blogging is so good; there is a camaraderie that one doesn’t find on Twitter, or in the Matrix.

These are the rules;

1. Thank and link the person who nominated you
2. Answer the questions given by the nominator.
3. Nominate 11 other bloggers, who have less than 200 followers and link them.
4. Create 11 new questions for the nominees to answer.
5. Notify all nominees via social media/blogs. Continue reading

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I’m not dead.

Sorry that I haven’t blogged for a few weeks, but other commitments have taken priority.

Say hi to Harold. Harold is Britain’s best serial killer. Like me he qualified from Leeds Medical School and spent the majority of his career in General Practice. Unlike me he forged prescriptions for pethidine for his own use and murdered dozens of his patients before stealing their jewellery  and forging their wills.

Shipman

Continue reading

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Do You Wanna Play With Us?

This would make a creepy movie; I’m thinking Adam Sandler and Pauly Shore in the lead roles.

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I’m shrinking! The Wonders of extrapolation.

Everyone is familiar with the Big Bang theory. If you look at data showing how fast the Universe is expanding, you can extrapolate backwards and calculate that about 13.8 billion years ago the whole Universe was condensed into a single tiny point, which suddenly burst outwards in a huge explosion resulting in the Universe we occupy today.

This week, I have lost 3 pounds in weight and now weigh 11 stone and 11 pounds. In the absence of any further data, a theoretical physicist would be forced to assume that my weight will continue to fall at the same rate. Therefore if we extrapolate, on the 1st of April 2016, I will reach zero mass and cease to exist.

Isn’t science wonderful!

Footnote – In Grey culture, it is believed that the Universe is neither expanding or contracting, but is simply breathing in and out.

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Writing a Murder Mystery: Motives for Murder

Great article this one, but I would add the motive of murder to further a cause, be it political or social, something that sadly we are all too familiar with.

JC Gatlin - Author

canstockphoto14386385After revealing “Who Done It,” the most important piece of the puzzle in a good murder mystery is “Why Done It.” The Antagonist’s reason to commit murder and hide it must be creative, make sense and be ultimately satisfying to your reader. So, it got me thinking: What are some basic motives for murder?

Here’s the list I started. Feel free to comment and add to the list.

TEN MOTIVES FOR MURDER

1. To hide a secret. This is the most obvious motive. The Victim stumbles upon the Antagonist’s closely guarded secret, and he kills her so she won’t reveal it.

  • A father, scared of losing his daughter’s love if she ever finds out that she was adopted, murders the child’s biological mother when she suddenly reappears in their lives.

2. Greed. The Antagonist wants the victim’s fortune, property or something else of value… and is willing to…

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Annual Book Review; Time Heist

Time HeistI tend to go through phases of reading, but over the last year or so, my interest in reading has waned dramatically. It was therefore something of an impulse purchase for me to download Time Heist by Anthony Vicino from Amazon;

Click on the book cover to go to the amazon.co.uk link—–>

I bought this book for three reasons.

1 I like the title. “Time Heist” conjures up images of masked robbers with plasma rifles kicking in the doors of some futuristic bank vault.

Anthony Vicino2 I like the cover – simple, but evocative. Everything I have read about self-publishing says that readers do judge a book by its cover, and I’m no exception.

3 Anthony’s avatar reminds me of Morgan Grimes from the TV series, “Chuck.” Continue reading

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